so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
