we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
