i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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