a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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