The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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