So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
