I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
