this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
