I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
