he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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