Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
