if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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