Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
