Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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