i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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