sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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