Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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