If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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