the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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