life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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