I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize