Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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