i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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