Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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