I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
