I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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