hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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