I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
