Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
