There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
