how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
