I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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