I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
