I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
