You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
