he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
