I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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