So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize