I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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