If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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