Soap is not a condiment
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
