And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
