I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
