Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
