Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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