did you get engaged???
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
