Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
