Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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