My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize