No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
