Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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