FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
