With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
