Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
