I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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