if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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