Cold hands, warm shart.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
