If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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