I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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