The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
