i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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