If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
