Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
