I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
