Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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